The Grief of Disillusionment Among Mission-Driven Leaders

The Grief of Disillusionment can contribute to overwhelm, burnout, work-life balance challenges, lack of motivation, and so.much.more Photo by Christian Erfurt, Unsplash

If you're a mission-driven leader (think: superintendent, assistant superintendent, educator, physician, professor, social-impact org leader, healthcare provider, attorney), you may have experienced the grief of disillusionment. This can contribute to overwhelm, burnout, lack of motivation, difficulty being productive, lack of motivation, and stuckness.

You spent years in the classroom and had big visions of the changes you'd make as a district leader, but you're not getting traction. You're pained by students moving through the system without the changes you know could improve their education and lives (and those of educators, families, and the community). This is the grief of disillusionment.

You have worked on policy change for the unhoused population, underinsured, families living in poverty, education, and you're stunned by the apathy of decision makers. You thought your passion and commitment was enough. It's not. This is the grief of disillusionment.

You spent years in college, medical school, residency, and imagined the kind of healthcare you'd provide. It would be patient-first, equity-oriented and heart-centered. Instead, you're pressured to spend as little time with patients as possible. In bed you think, "How did I become this kind of practitioner?" This is the grief of disillusionment.

You were excited to attend law school and become steeped in justice. In your practice, you see the true cost of influencing the justice system and you wonder what happened to pure justice. This is the grief of disillusionment.

None of this is your fault.

It's painful when you care DEEPLY and find yourself in systems that weren't built for the disadvantaged, that churn people through them, that prioritize profits over people, that default to the status quo rather than change.

That doesn't mean you're powerless.

😳 Allow yourself to sit with the grief, loss, sadness, anger, frustration. That may look like having a regular ritual or allowing the feelings to come when they come and accepting them with love. They are a reflection of your values. If you didn't care, it wouldn't hurt.

🧐 Ask yourself if any internal dynamics are contributing to the sense of disillusionment, stress, and overwhelm. For example, perfectionism, procrastination, negative self-talk, more self-esteem, thought-looping, imposter syndrome. Each of these will layer on top of the disillusionment to create more negative feelings and a lack of agency. To address these deep dynamics, get some support from a coach, therapist, friend. As a first step, work on cultivating self-compassion: “This is hard and I’m doing my best;” “I don’t have to be perfect to be valued.” “I acknowledge myself for being an empathetic human in a system that undercuts our humanity.” Speak to yourself as you might a good friend or small child.

🥳 Recognize your wins and allow yourself to experience the pride that comes. The extra few moments you took with a patient, the elegant legal argument, the presentation that moved people, the new literacy program.

😍Find your allies. There are people who share your values, are committed to change, are unwilling to be cogs in the status quo. Find them. And hold on tightly.

🐉 Identify your micro-impact (it will grow). Identify the thing you care MOST about and have some control over. Start to make small moves in that area, which will gain momentum over time. When you look back in a few years, you'll start to see the accumulation of impact. Promise. But you've gotta start small, build upon wins, and get support along the way.